Thursday, September 30, 2004

Hey Hey, It's Communist Monday!

Alright. So I just had a sort of memorable experience trying to log in to my blog. I typed in my username (or what I thought was my username) and my password (or what I thought was my password) and it wouldn't let me in. It said no. This Baffled (definitely important enough to be capitalized) me because I have the same number of passwords that I use for everything. I was definitely puzzled. So I told them I'd forgotten my password. I typed in my username (or what I thought was my username) and they said they were going to email me instructions on how to retrieve my password. I waited for the email, and waited, and waited, and waited. When I received no such email, I decided to try one different username with my password. Turned out I had the username wrong, not the password. So now, whoever has 'Jolanta' as a username is going to think that they have forgotten their password, when they receive about a dozen emails from the kind folk at All I can say to this whole escapade is that I work too much.

On Monday, Dave and I started celebrating what is soon to become a legendary holiday. Let me introduce you to Communist Monday. Every Monday, from now until the end of the semester, Dave and I shall be known as "The Commies In The Corner" (clearly important enough to warrant capitalization) to the rest of our history class. Monday was just the beginning. Dave came to class in his CCCP shirt, and I wore my Communist Flag (you know what I'm going to write here) as a cape. We sat in the back corner, and spent the entire class referring to each other as "Comrade." It was special. And rather entertaining. I also feel I should mention here that Dave does it Commie style. I don't entirely remember how this came about, but I will say this: Megan, next time Dave tries to share his pudding with you, just remember that he is trying to do it Commie style.

I also have two broken toes. I decided that I'm going to name them. My big toe (on my right foot, the left foot isn't special enough to get names) shall be Will Ferrell, and the toe next to it shall be Owen Wilson. I greatly admire the comedic talent of these two actors, so I felt it only appropriate to pay full homage to their success by naming two of my toes after them. Maybe eventually, I'll name the other three toes on my right foot after actors, too. But not my left foot. I don't like my left foot. It has never really done much for's just kind of been there. So until my left foot proves its worth, I shall continue to name only the toes on my right foot after admired actors.

I think now would be a good time for me to go to bed. So, goodnight, St. Albert! Hell, goodnight Edmonton, too! I'm spreading the looooove. :)

Friday, September 24, 2004

Caramel Oreo McFlurries on the Stroke of 12!

My apologies for my slightly depressing political rant from yesterday. I have had comments asking me for amusement, so amusement I shall give. My next conquest for my game (the one thats even better than Monopoly <-- important enough to be capitalized for reasons other than the fact that it is a name) is the cheese grater. Now, I realise that it may take a few days before anyone realises that the cheese grater is missing, so the results won't be as immediately gratifying as the toothpaste, but I think in the long run, hilarity will ensue. I have to work on making the toothpaste reappear...I rather enjoyed Erin's suggestion of putting it in the closet in someone's coat pocket. I also thought it could be amusing to put it in the freezer, which sparked a debate about what exactly frozen toothpaste would look like. I think, to satisfy my curiosity, that I shall have to try it. My fish tank idea is still my favourite, but there was some concern about the toothpaste poisoning the fish. After all, if we're not supposed to swallow it, it can hardly be good for poor innocent little goldfish. I think all this shall have to be done in one swift motion. One item 'reappears' while another one disappears off the face of the earth. I can't wait to see the confusion.

On a different topic, I think Naz and I may just have found hard hats to help us blend in at the 'party.' It shall be an exciting day for all concerned. Hard hats shall be presented, hugs shall be exchanged, pictures shall be taken, champagne shall be sipped.. you get the idea. I cannot wait to see the engineers bonding, skipping around gleefully with smiles on their little faces. The thought of it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. It's like being wrapped in a fleecy blanket. Ahhh *looks wistfully to the sky*

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Victor and the Mormons (plus a big political rant)

Alright, so here is my much anticipated post about our good friend Victor, and his good friends The Mormons. I have recently been receiving strange phone calls from our neighbouring province of British Columbia. I have so far received two from Vancouver, and two from a man named Victor in Kelowna. The strange coincedence...these phone calls started right after Jason left for South America. This led Heather and I to hypothesize that maybe Jason changed his name to Victor and ran off to Kelowna to join a mormon nudist colony. He gave some mormons his cell phone number once, and they called him for several months to harrass him. They started calling from different numbers, so he programmed them into his phone. Then, every time they called, his caller id would say 'The Mormons.' Heather and I can only hope that he learned a lesson from this fateful experience. Never give your number to mormons.

He just doesn't suit the name Victor. Heather thinks he doesn't look like a Victor, and I agree. We decided that he's too blonde. A stereotypical Victor should be a slightly chubby, balding, middle aged man who wears sweater vests and a lot of brown. I blame the mormons for this transformation. Jason has been harvested! They have harvested his soul for their evil mormon doings! (Heather thinks I should use the word 'cultivated' instead here...I think harvested works better...but you can use which ever word you choose when you read this.) Next time we see him, he will have gained a hundred pounds, lost most of his hair, dyed the remaining hair brown, and started sporting a sweater vest. Heather and I must make a roadtrip to Kelowna before it is too late..

On a slightly less dire note...Naz liquified a canteloupe the other day. This is a feat quite unheard of in my social circle. She bought it three weeks ago, and left it in the cupboard to ripen. The problem was that she forgot about it, discovering the offending canteloupe on Tuesday night in a rather ghastly state. It smelled like decomposing seafood. Thank god it was in a bag. We also had some rather hilarious encounters at Shoppers Drug Mart on Tuesday. We went so Naz could buy Robitussin LiquiGel Caps, but first, we drove around the parking lot in circles three or four times, yelling "fucking assholes" at cars and other inanimate objects, just so we could get an angle parking space. Once inside, Naz was disheartened to discover that they didn't have the yellow liquigel caps. When asked why, she answered "because they're for flu!" I responded "Naz, you don't have flu" and all she could say was, "well, no..." We proceeded to burst into more spontaneous laughter, scaring away several employees and muttering "fucking assholes" a few more times. All in all, a rollicking good time. Gee willickers!

I also got myself into a political debate on the drive home from work this evening. I have decided that the Russian government is a waste of space, owing mainly to the recent tragedy in Beslan. I heard one story of the terrorists letting mothers and young children escape. One particular mother pleaded with the terrorists to let her elder daughter go too, but they refused. So she gave her baby to a soldier, and ran back inside, saying "I can't let my older daughter die alone." Now, Mr. Vladimir Putin, I ask you: Is Chechnya REALLY worth it? Maybe if they had killed his children and 156 of their classmates, maybe then he would have gotten off his ass and done something about the situation. But lets face it, Putin doesn't really care about other people's children. These are people he's never met, and is clearly never going to now. Why does Russia have so much invested in Chechnya anyway? I mean, its probably not worth very much to them economically, and the size of it is like a needle in a haystack when compared to Russia as a whole. I mean, christ, Chechens even have their own language. Why does the Russian government continue to wage a war about a place that they don't even care about? Its like with children. One sibling has a toy that they NEVER play with. So, the other sibling decides to take it and play with it for a while. As soon as the other sibling shows interest, the first sibling wants the toy back and they fight over it. Russia has the national policies of a 6 year old child. Good show, Russia.

Another point...the Russian army let most of the hostage takers in Beslan escape. These people killed over 300 parents, children and teachers, and are off running around the countryside. Do we think the Russians will ever find them? No. Maybe we should let Bush in there...he's always looking for another war on terror.

Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against the Russian people. I just think their government is completely useless, for waging a war that has taken thousands of lives because they are too stubborn to give in. If Chechnya wants to become a republic, why not let them? It would free up the Russian army to save other children from other terrorists in other schools. It would save a lot of bloodshed and tension, and Russia would probably be better off economically anyway because they would no longer have to pour billions of dollars (or rubles, if you prefer) into waging a pointless war.

Now that I have gotten myself all angry about stupidity of government policies, I think I shall go. For her blog, this is Jola saying goodnight. You have a good evening, St. Albert, and stay classy!

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Even Better Than Monopoly!

So I have a new game, which is, as the title states, even better than Monopoly (capitalized for good reason.) I take random household objects, hide them, and then watch the madness that ensues as my family frantically try to look for whatever it is that I've hidden. It is rather entertaining. My first conquest was the toothpaste. I found a brand new tube of toothpaste sitting in the main floor bathroom, so I safely secured it in my sock drawer. You wouldn't believe the commotion I caused. At like 11:30, I hear my mom start to shriek because the toothpaste is missing. My brother starts bitching because now he has to go ALL the way upstairs to get toothpaste, and my mother suckers my father into helping her look for the missing toothpaste. I was just lying in bed, listening to the Ruckus (DEFINITELY important enough to be capitalized. Without a doubt.) I hear mom say "but it was a brand new tube! Where could it have gone?" and my entire family was searching the house, high and low, to try to locate the missing item. I laughed. Rather enthusiastically. The toothpaste is still safely located in my sock drawer, but to mix things up a bit, I have decided to make it 'reappear' in an interesting place. I was thinking my brother's fish tank. With the fish. I can't wait to see how they react.

Another interesting tidbit of information. Mike called me last night, to tell me that in 2 weeks time, all the civil engineers get to partake in a Hard Hat Ceremony. All the civil engineers are presented with their own 'Faculty of Engineering' hard hats. Needless to say, this is the highlight of the social calendar for those poor sheltered engineers. Naz and I are also planning on crashing the ceremony. We apparently won't be allowed in, because we will be recognized as frauds, so we are going to dress up as mascots. Billy the Beam. I think it should work nicely. :)

During my talk with Mike last night, I also happened to mention that Jay's return flight was from Quito, so he was planning on taking a bus from Uruguay to Ecuador. I laughed rather hard about this...our conversation went something like this...

Mike: "Jola, its not that funny."
Me: "no no, its like 5 days on an un-airconditioned South American bus. I bet they have poultry!"
Mike: "yah, still not that funny."
Me: "no Mike, you don't know how far it is."
Mike: "I'm gonna go check my atlas."

Mike returns several seconds later, and I hear him start to chuckle. I start to giggle too, and within seconds, we're both laughing.

Mike: "That's like driving from Edmonton to Boston! No, Edmonton to Guadalajara!"
Me: "More like EDMONTON to GUATEMALA."

Which is indeed true. Have fun, Jason! When informed of this information, all Brad could say was "It'll be a miracle if that kid comes back alive." Anyways, this post being done, it is time for bed. I don't work much this weekend, so I shall have time for plenty of updates. Remind me to post about Victor and the mormons. Have a good night everyone, and stay classy, St. Albert.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Musings of a Girl Who Spends Too Much Time on a Bus

So I spent three and a half hours on a bus yesterday. Thats right. Three and a half hours. Thats the equivalent of driving to Calgary, and I never left the greater Edmonton area. Clearly, spending all this time travelling our fine transit network gave me a lot of time to think. And think I did. I thought on the bus to school. I thought on the bus to work. And I thought a lot on the 2 and a half hour (yes, thats right, two and a half hour) bus ride home from work. I came to the conclusion that me working so hard this semester isn't really worth it, because at the end of the day, I'm probably still not going to get what I want. Which is a shame, but there's nothing I can do about it I suppose, so I will accept my fate as-is. It's still a Trifle (important enough to be capitalized) depressing though.

Anyway. Onward and upward to lighter topics of conversation. I got my pictures back today. B-rad (aka Dr. Love) made me take them in on Sunday, because he wanted to see pictures of himself in Ponoka (with the Ponoka Locals, henceforth known as Ponocals.) That was by FAR the most amusing aspect of my day so far. There is one picture of Jay, with two mini bottles of Liquor (definitely important enough to be capitalized) down his shirt, and by the look on his face, you can almost hear him thinking "oooh boobies!" I can not begin to describe the humor with which I viewed these pictures. I shall have to post them somewhere on the internet, so that everyone can see, because I think they portray just the sort of stupidity that we all need more of. So thank you, pictures, for making us all look completely ridiculous. :)

Speaking of pictures, I am reminded of my weekend. Ohhhh what a weekend...late December back in '63, What a very special time for me, As I remember what a night. Back on topic.. so on Saturday night, Heather and I went to see that intern movie...Intern Academy I believe. Well, it contained all sorts of inappropriate humor, and was kind of lacking in the plot department, so needless to say, Heather and I rather enjoyed it. There was a man with a Barbie (ohh no, sorry, Malibu Mindy) lodged...well, lets just say that she's not going to be seeing the sun anytime soon. After that, it was time for a spot of dancing in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Thriller and Heterosexual Man are the two greatest songs in existence. After all our dancing, we were hungry, so we went to McDonalds for a little ice cream. Well, that plan backfired, as the trusty St. Albert RCMP were in the process of arresting someone in the McDonalds drive through. Ahhh, good ol' St. Albert Justice (important enough to be capitalized, remember?) So we found ourselves a different McDonalds. And then my car died. Well, the battery did, at least. Jump starting cars at 3am when you're not entirely sure how to use jumper cables always makes for a memorable evening!

This is a really long post. I'm not done yet. My schedule doesn't leave me time to post often, so I must take full advantage of the opportunity when it arises. On Sunday night, I got to talk to Jason. That was pretty much the highlight of my week. YAY!!! I apologize for the outburst of emotion there. I try to keep my blog dead pan, because things are usually more amusing when they are dead pan. I almost forgot to write pan there. Consequently, the sentence would have read "because things are usually more amusing when they are dead" which I suppose is also true. Dead things are funny. Hair is funny (especially Jay's when we straightened it.) Fingernails are funny. Roadkill is funny. It becomes even funnier when you dress it up like Elvis and try to sell it as one of Jola's Roadkill Creations. I am still working on setting up that stall in my front yard. I can use the additional revenue from the sales of roadkill to fund my trip to South America. Ahh, what a beautiful plan.

Well, all this talk of dead things is making me hungry, so I think I'm gonna go eat some dead cow. Have a good night, everyone.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Dazed and Confused, In Search of a Revelation

Yes. The title makes it sound like I'm going to say something profound, or possibly biblical, here. Those of you who know me will know that I'm going to say neither. I have come to a crossroads in my educational journey. Is it wise to essentially slaughter one semester in favour of another? Or is that showing a level of favouritism simply unacceptable to the powers that govern the lovely educational institution I like to call home? I shall explain. In my quest to go to South America next semester, I have essentially made the next three months of my life a living hell. I am now taking 6 courses this semester, as well as working two jobs. I'm at school from 9am till either 3 or 3:30 every day, and the only day of the week that I don't work is Friday. Ahhh, dear sweet Friday. Next semester, on the other hand, shall be sweet. I'm done at 11 on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, and done at 12:30 on Mondays and Wednesdays. Plus, I only have one Tuesday-Thursday class, which means that chances are, I'll be able to work midterms to go visit Jay. This is rather exciting...assuming I survive first semester. In return for all my hard work, I have been told to demand a night to remember. Apparently it is my right, and I should not give up the fight for Justice (yes, I felt that it was an important word, and needed capitalizing. From now on, I shall capitalize all words I feel are important. Like Banana. Or Ravioli.) So, on that note, I shall try my best to make Heather and Jamaal proud. Heh.

On a completely unrelated note, I had a dream about Squirrels (important enough to be capitalized) last night. I think it was possibly brought on by Megan's email about Squirrels and the apocalypse (not important enough to be capitalized.) Although really, my dream contained a bunch of Squirrels trying to take over the world. Said Squirrels had somehow managed to get a hold of a large number of giant acorns (which I assume to be the Squirrel equivalent of 'nucular' weapons) which they delighted in trying to crush people with. It was rather alarming, running away from a small army of Squirrels brandishing large acorns. Shudder.

That being said, I don't know if I have much left to write. I spent a disproportionate amount of my afternoon running around campus, from the Arts Faculty Office (only capitalized because it is a title, and we learned in like Grade 1 to capitalize the names of people and places) to the Science Faculty Office, and then to the Admin building, and back and forth between HUB and SUB about a billion times. I think I finally have everything sorted out though. My academic career is looking slightly brighter. As are my chances of going to South America. So all in all, I think its been a rather productive day. I still haven't found my revelation though. Hmm...maybe I put it in the freezer...

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

He's a Heterosexual Man!

That song, by the Odds I do believe, has officially become the back to school anthem. Everyone I know (well not everyone, but those cool enough to be deemed my friends at least) has been singing that all day. Really, Jason was the one who started that revolution. I recall one night, several weeks ago, when he was singing that as we drove around in his car. I look back and fondly recall the sweet melody playing on the radio, with Jay happily singing along. And since then, we've all been singing. So thank you, Jason, for bringing a little musical variety into our lives. :)

So as you may have gathered, today was the first day back at school. We had a bus driver who looked oddly like Sean LeLacheur this morning, but bald and aged by about 20 years. We have since started referring to him as Sean Boy. I fear this will end badly, with Sean Boy realising that we mock him mercilessly, and us forgetting that his name isn't actually Sean Boy. Kind of like the time I renamed Tyler, started calling him Marco, and then forgot that his name was actually Tyler. Oh dear.

My classes today were nothing special. Stats, Sociology (Crime and Deviance) and History. My history course is supposed to be European History, but my prof assured us today that it wasn't actually European History. I was confused. If you don't actually teach European History in a European History course, then why call it that? To make up for it, though, my prof used both "iota" and "High-fallutin' " in his lecture, which amused me greatly. After that, I ventured on to Nicole's Bio 108 class, where we spent the better part of the lecture trying to decide which of her TAs she should sleep with to improve her lab mark. After a long debate, we decided on the one in the green shirt...Jeffrey I believe. His voice may be a little girly, but he is far less creepy looking than his TA counterpart in the red shirt. Red Shirt's pants were tucked into his socks, which came to just above his boots, and he had a rather scraggy looking beard. So heres to you, Nicole. Good luck on your lab! ;)

I think thats about all for this post. Tomorrow comes another day of slaving, both in the Institiute of Higher Learning, and the Institute That Employs Me So I Can Visit Jay In South America. School from 9-3:30, and work from 5-10. YEeah! I sure know how to live. Well, thats all folks. This is Jo, signing off from her blog. You stay classy, St. Albert.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Hello World

Alright. So I have decided to capitalize on this blog revolution. I'm not sure exactly how I'm planning on capitalizing on anything, but when I figure that out, I shall let you know. I really have nothing of value to post here at the current moment, but that really isn't the point. At work yesterday, a man came in looking at skirts. Now this wouldn't be all that funny, except I work at Jacob and this guy was evidently trying to find a skirt that would look good on him. I just couldn't bring myself to assist him...watching him walk into a fitting room, carrying an assortment of skirts, would be too much for my professionalism. So, I ignored him. I stood behind the shelf, in the lingerie section, and laughed at him. Quite profusely. He eventually realised that Jacob stock clothes that will look good on women, not men, and left. He created quite a stir though, especially since he was short, chubby, and sporting a rather long, curly and unkempt mullet.

I also just read Jay's blog. It sounds like he's having fun in South America, although the airline did lose his backpack. I bet he's glad I advised him to pack a spare pair of boxers in his carry on bag...we wouldn't want him starting a Pan-South-American commando revolution. That would not be pleasant. He might be thousands of kilometres away right now, but Ryan assured me that everything goes full circle, and that this would too. I don't think I would like to see the repercussions of that (although I'm sure Heather thinks I would...there has not yet been a night to remember, nor will there be!)

Anyways, I think thats it for this merely experimental post...I really only started this so I could post notes on Jay and Heather's blogs, but it seems senseless to have a blog of my own and not use it. I think maybe thats what I'm capitalizing on. Hmm.