Thursday, September 23, 2004

Victor and the Mormons (plus a big political rant)

Alright, so here is my much anticipated post about our good friend Victor, and his good friends The Mormons. I have recently been receiving strange phone calls from our neighbouring province of British Columbia. I have so far received two from Vancouver, and two from a man named Victor in Kelowna. The strange coincedence...these phone calls started right after Jason left for South America. This led Heather and I to hypothesize that maybe Jason changed his name to Victor and ran off to Kelowna to join a mormon nudist colony. He gave some mormons his cell phone number once, and they called him for several months to harrass him. They started calling from different numbers, so he programmed them into his phone. Then, every time they called, his caller id would say 'The Mormons.' Heather and I can only hope that he learned a lesson from this fateful experience. Never give your number to mormons.

He just doesn't suit the name Victor. Heather thinks he doesn't look like a Victor, and I agree. We decided that he's too blonde. A stereotypical Victor should be a slightly chubby, balding, middle aged man who wears sweater vests and a lot of brown. I blame the mormons for this transformation. Jason has been harvested! They have harvested his soul for their evil mormon doings! (Heather thinks I should use the word 'cultivated' instead here...I think harvested works better...but you can use which ever word you choose when you read this.) Next time we see him, he will have gained a hundred pounds, lost most of his hair, dyed the remaining hair brown, and started sporting a sweater vest. Heather and I must make a roadtrip to Kelowna before it is too late..

On a slightly less dire note...Naz liquified a canteloupe the other day. This is a feat quite unheard of in my social circle. She bought it three weeks ago, and left it in the cupboard to ripen. The problem was that she forgot about it, discovering the offending canteloupe on Tuesday night in a rather ghastly state. It smelled like decomposing seafood. Thank god it was in a bag. We also had some rather hilarious encounters at Shoppers Drug Mart on Tuesday. We went so Naz could buy Robitussin LiquiGel Caps, but first, we drove around the parking lot in circles three or four times, yelling "fucking assholes" at cars and other inanimate objects, just so we could get an angle parking space. Once inside, Naz was disheartened to discover that they didn't have the yellow liquigel caps. When asked why, she answered "because they're for flu!" I responded "Naz, you don't have flu" and all she could say was, "well, no..." We proceeded to burst into more spontaneous laughter, scaring away several employees and muttering "fucking assholes" a few more times. All in all, a rollicking good time. Gee willickers!

I also got myself into a political debate on the drive home from work this evening. I have decided that the Russian government is a waste of space, owing mainly to the recent tragedy in Beslan. I heard one story of the terrorists letting mothers and young children escape. One particular mother pleaded with the terrorists to let her elder daughter go too, but they refused. So she gave her baby to a soldier, and ran back inside, saying "I can't let my older daughter die alone." Now, Mr. Vladimir Putin, I ask you: Is Chechnya REALLY worth it? Maybe if they had killed his children and 156 of their classmates, maybe then he would have gotten off his ass and done something about the situation. But lets face it, Putin doesn't really care about other people's children. These are people he's never met, and is clearly never going to now. Why does Russia have so much invested in Chechnya anyway? I mean, its probably not worth very much to them economically, and the size of it is like a needle in a haystack when compared to Russia as a whole. I mean, christ, Chechens even have their own language. Why does the Russian government continue to wage a war about a place that they don't even care about? Its like with children. One sibling has a toy that they NEVER play with. So, the other sibling decides to take it and play with it for a while. As soon as the other sibling shows interest, the first sibling wants the toy back and they fight over it. Russia has the national policies of a 6 year old child. Good show, Russia.

Another point...the Russian army let most of the hostage takers in Beslan escape. These people killed over 300 parents, children and teachers, and are off running around the countryside. Do we think the Russians will ever find them? No. Maybe we should let Bush in there...he's always looking for another war on terror.

Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against the Russian people. I just think their government is completely useless, for waging a war that has taken thousands of lives because they are too stubborn to give in. If Chechnya wants to become a republic, why not let them? It would free up the Russian army to save other children from other terrorists in other schools. It would save a lot of bloodshed and tension, and Russia would probably be better off economically anyway because they would no longer have to pour billions of dollars (or rubles, if you prefer) into waging a pointless war.

Now that I have gotten myself all angry about stupidity of government policies, I think I shall go. For her blog, this is Jola saying goodnight. You have a good evening, St. Albert, and stay classy!


Blogger Heather S. said...

Ah, Victor. I don't believe we agreed that it was going to be a Mormon nudist colony, did we? Definitely a nudist colony, though.
Also about Chechnya, it's quite possible that there are many people in Chechnya who are not part of the separatist movement. It would cause a problem for those who currently inhabit the region and consider themselves Russian. I also could be wrong, as I admit I'm not an expert on the subject.
Remember: Caramel Oreo McFlurries at the stroke of 12!

September 24, 2004 at 2:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jola i concur with your political observations....strange. That woman you mentioned actually had two children left in the school when she went back. Her son survived, the mother and her daughter didnt. I saw it on Oprah - all of one minute, because it makes me emotionally unstable to hear anything about this topic. As for Bush going into Chechnya - not gonna happen unless they have oil, which im relatively sure they dont. Anyways i come to your blog site for merriment and i get depressing talk of terrorism...stop that immediatley.


September 24, 2004 at 3:21 PM  

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