Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Days go by, I can feel them flying like my hand out the window as the cars go by

The above is a line from a song. A Keith Urban song. B-rad (aka Dr. Looooove) inspired me to buy the new cd, Be Here. Its a most excellent cd, I must say, and I'd recommend it to any country music fans out there. Becky and I talked about the name Keith today. We decided that we don't really like it. I mean, Keith Urban's name is cool because his last name is Urban, and that is definitely cool enough to cover the fact that his first name is Keith (or Keitherd, as I want to say so often.) Keith Fredin just suits the name Keith. He just wouldn't be the same by any other name! But apart from that, we don't like the name Keith.

Speaking of Keith Urban reminds me of country music, which reminds me of B-rad. B-rad and I went for coffee on Monday night (or Montag nacht, to any German speakers who may be reading this) and had a rather amusing conversation about bras. B-rad will hurt me if he were ever to read this, but he never checks my blog so I'm not overly concerned. He was like "I can undo a bra with one hand in like 2 seconds. Jay taught me how to do it", to which I replied "he TAUGHT you?" Brad simply said "yah, he showed me how to do it." Well, this conjured up images of the two boys with a bra, taking it in turns to wear said bra, and practicing taking it off each other. I laughed rather hard about this. B-rad made me promise never to tell another living soul. I think maybe its true. Well probably not, but the boys in bras is an amusing mental image.

On a different front, my car ran out of gas on Monday. I rolled out of bed, wearing my neon pink and orange leopard print pyjama pants and a white tank top, to drive my brother to work. I didn't take my purse or cellphone because I thought I'd be home in 10 minutes. Boy was I wrong. I was just driving along 142nd Street, right before 167th Ave, when my car starts to shudder. Shortly after that, the gas pedal kind of stops working. My car ran out of gas and died on the side of the road. Remember when I said dead things were funny? Well my car was one dead thing that wasn't all that amusing. I thought "no problem, I'll just call my dad to come get me." Wrong again, smartass! No purse, no cellphone, boy was I screwed. I had no choice but to run across the street, dodging cars travelling at speeds in excess of 100 km/h, to flag down a car and ask to use a phone. Well eventually, I get home, get my car filled up again, and I'm good to go. But I'm sure it must have been an amusing sight to see some moron in leopard print pyjamas trying to flag down cars on a secondary highway at 10am.

I think thats enough excitement for one day. I think I might head over to Superstore at Clareview now. Grocery shopping always promises a good time. Have a good night, St. Albert. Stay classy...B-rad is still looking for a dryer to have sex on. You don't want that dire consequence to befall you. :)

Friday, October 08, 2004

Oh Georgie!

Yesterday, I was privileged enough to enjoy an evening with George Stroumboulopoulos at the fine educational institution known as G-Mac (or Grant MacEwan to those of you eloquent enough to call it that.) It was a highly momentous occasion, especially for Heather, who has been noted as saying "I want to do him" over and over again. Hugs were exchanged, pictures were taken, sex was had...okay, well maybe I went a little far. But he is an entertaining speaker. Georgie really knows his shit! His arguments and points were well thought out, and eloquently presented. He would make a fine member on any debate team. Maybe he should start a club.

On a different front, I didn't go to a single class yesterday. Naz is a bad influence. She mentioned to me that George (the one with the cookies, not the one with the really long last name) heals all ills, and that I should go to her apartment instead of going to psych. Well, I didn't need much convincing. 2 hours of Care Bears and 2 cookies later, and all was right with the world again. Speaking of George Stroumboulopoulos, can you imagine signing that? I mean really now. Heather could never marry him because, although he is the man of her dreams and she would retain the same initials even in marriage, she would never have enough room to sign 'Heather Stroumboulopoulos' on the back of a credit card. And it would take forever to sign whenever you wrote a cheque or used your Visa. I mean christ, it takes a minute to even think how to spell it. 17 letters of repetetive confusion, all contained in one last name. And when they print your name on credit and debit cards....would a card even be long enough for that? Heather will be the first person to require super sized credit cards, just so her ridiculously long name will fit.

Mike stabbed Aaron in the leg with a fork today. It was rather entertaining. Ryan, Aaron and myself went to Edo for lunch (don't even get me started on the great pronounciation debate) and then found Mike and sat down on the couches in SUB. Well, as it turns out, Aaron has a particular dislike for broccoli. As a result, he would remove all pieces of broccoli from his beef yakisoba and place them haphazardly in the lid of the container. Well, Ryan and Mike, noticing the broccoli, immediately started to fight over it. I'm glad my friends act like 6 year old children. Ryan was armed with chopsticks, while Mike had a fork. I had some doubt as to which was the more deadly weapon, but the following events erased all doubt from my mind. While battling mercilessly over the one remaining piece of broccoli, Mike wisely employed the 'plunge and stab' tactic. The only trouble was, he raised his fork a little too high while attempting the plunge. He stood up, raised his fork, and brought it crashing down towards the broccoli. But alas, he gave Ryan a little too much time, and Ryan stealthily seized the broccoli from the clutches of Mike's fork. As a result, the fork pierced the lid of the Edo container, and instead went into Aaron's leg. All hell broke loose as Aaron's piercing shriek of pain echoed through the draughty halls of the Students Union Building. And then we laughed at him.

Alright, my dramatic story aside (which, actually, is more or less entirely true), I think its about time for bed. Work tomorrow from 12-7, ohhh what an exciting life I lead. Stay classy, St. Albert, because Brad will come have sex on your dryer if you don't. Please don't let that thought ruin your sweet dreams. Auf wiedersehen :)

Monday, October 04, 2004

I Finally Picked Up My Useless Trade!

I finally picked up the useless trade that Jay has been going on at me to learn. I learned a valuable new skill this weekend. I can undress a women better than any man can. Work was dead on Saturday (which is unusual, given that people usually go shopping on Saturdays) and Danielle and I were bored out of all comprehension. We were getting a bunch of new stock in on Saturday night, so Mona (one of the managers) asked Danielle and I to undress the mannequins in the window. Well, to say that we had great fun doing this would be a rather enormous understatement. I undressed the first mannequin, and I was working on the second when I noticed it was wearing my EXACT outfit. I called Danielle over, and she came to see what I was yelling about and she saw me standing there with my arm around my mannquin twin. Undressing it was like undressing myself. Victoria said "now we know how men feel when they're undressing us!" Creepy. Enough said. Danielle and I then proceeded to dance with our mannequin twins across the front of the store. I only wish I had a rose between my teeth. And a camera.

Just when you thought mannequins couldn't get any more exciting, you were wrong. We then started to seductively undress the mannequins, and flash the customers as they walked past. One mannequin was wearing a suit with no shirt underneath, so I would hide behind said mannequin and open the suit jacket at random spontaneous intervals. Hilarity ensued. Needless to say, all this was a valuable learning experience. Next time I need to undress a woman, I will be able to show off my prowess, thanks to those fine mannequins at Jacob. LOL is all I have to say.

Completely unrelated, I really need to start turning my phone off at night. I went to bed at 9:30 last night, because I worked all weekend and was sick anyways. What time did I get to sleep? 1:3o. Thats right, 1:30. I had been laying in bed for about 40 minutes, and then at 10:15 my phone rings. I fully expected it to be Naz, so I was a little surprised to see that it was B-rad (or Dr. Looooove, or the Grant Mac Daddy if you prefer.) We had a good long chat, during which he told me he was planning to have sex on my dryer. I told him quite simply that noone shall defile my dryer but me, and if I am to ever walk in and catch him in the act, I shall be completely nonchalant and unembarrassed. I will then proceed to say "Brad, we talked about this, remember?" and the girl he's with will be alarmed and leave. All in all, the experience won't end well for Brad. So for all you hopefuls out there...no sex on my dryer!

That being said, I think its about time to go and eat some soup. I enjoy soup with quite a hearty passion. Mmmm dear sweet soup...I shall post soon about Heather and I's adventures at Grant MacEwan with George Stroumboulopoulos on Thursday. Adios!